i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
its liver damage thursday
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
