Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize