Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i love accidental penises.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
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