We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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