I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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