is your mom at the bar?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
