Can i not drive my cunt home
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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