dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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