I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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