dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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