I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
