I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
