Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
