OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
