she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
