The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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