splinters make it hard to masturbate
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
