how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
