So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
