She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
