i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
