I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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