I want to have your abortion
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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