She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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