Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
