i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
