you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
there was a trapeze. enough said
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
