I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
