She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
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