So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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