Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
