Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
