go do what you do best...puke behind churches
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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