hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
