Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
