it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize