"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
