Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
