I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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