Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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