My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
