Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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