i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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