My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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