So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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