Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
