Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
