Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
