I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
