I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
