somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize