I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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