This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
