Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
