They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
