if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
