i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
