Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
