so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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