2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
