First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
should my penis look like a turkey
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
