now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
