did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Randomize
