bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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