i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Where are you guys?
Drunk
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
