Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize