My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
