Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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