Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
