Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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