I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
