her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
