I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
